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  The Book of the Months, 2026 January And in the first month, the people shall vow great change, yet by the seventh day they shall return unto their familiar snacks and comfortable sloth. February And the cold winds shall argue amongst themselves, deciding whether to freeze the land or simply inconvenience it with drizzle. March And a mighty confusion shall arise, for the clocks shall leap forward, and none shall remember why they agreed to this ritual. April And the skies shall open with rains of comedic timing, falling precisely when the people forget their umbrellas. May And blossoms shall appear in great number, and with them the pollen, which shall smite the sinuses of the righteous and wicked alike. June And the sun shall grow bold, declaring itself ruler of all outdoor activities and scorching the unprepared. July And fireworks shall burst across the heavens, and the dogs of the land shall protest with trembling and dramatic side‑eye. August And the heat shall become a tyra...
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 Happy New Year!! My predictions: The Book of Two‑Thousand‑and‑Twenty‑Six, Chapter I 1. And lo, in the first days of the year, the people shall rise early with great ambition, yet by the third sunrise they shall return unto the Couch of Soft Excuses. 2. And a great confusion shall fall upon the land, for the smart devices shall speak in riddles, and the thermostats shall declare temperatures that are not so . 3. And the geese of the northern ponds shall gather in mighty assembly, and they shall honk with purpose, and none shall understand their decree, save one child who shall shrug and return to their tablet. 4. And a new beverage of sparkling chaos shall appear in the markets, promising vigor, enlightenment, and “vibes.” Many shall drink of it, and behold — they shall know not whether they are energized or merely vibrating. 5. And a raccoon of humble origins shall ascend to great renown, for it shall steal a sandwich of significance, and in doing so, avert a minor calamity u...
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Ladies and Gentlemen! Gather around and listen up, for I have got something that will tickle your fancy and maybe even add a few years to your life! Introducing Dr. Marvel's Mystery Elixir, the potion that will put a spring in your step and make you feel like a young buck again! This ain't your grandpappy's medicine, folks. No sirree! This here elixir is the product of the finest ingredients known to man, all blended together by the good doctor himself, using the latest scientific know-how. It's like he took a bit of magic and mixed it up with some science to create a brew that's more powerful than a horse on steroids! Now, I know what you're thinking. "What kind of hocus-pocus is this?". Well, let me tell you, friend, it's the kind that works! This elixir is chock-full of antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals that'll make you feel like a million bucks. Say goodbye to feeling sluggish and hello to being a ball of energy that can't be stopped...
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  The Marvelous Pursuit: The Unrecognized Genius of Doctor Marvel In the hazy days around the turn of the century, when the world was captivated by the wonders of electricity and the promise of scientific advancement, there existed a man named Doctor Marvel. Born into the humble surroundings of a small town, Marvel's thirst for knowledge burned brighter than the gas lamps lining the cobblestone streets. Young Marvel's life took a decisive turn when he became the apprentice of the enigmatic Nikola Tesla. Under Tesla's tutelage, Marvel's mind was electrified with ideas that transcended the scientific norms of the time. While his contemporaries in the academic world dismissed him as eccentric, Marvel fancied himself a revolutionary scientist, harboring dreams of changing the world with his groundbreaking discoveries. Despite his brilliance, Doctor Marvel found no place among the esteemed scientific circles. His ideas, often too avant-garde for the conservative minds of his...
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