The Book of the Months, 2026 January And in the first month, the people shall vow great change, yet by the seventh day they shall return unto their familiar snacks and comfortable sloth. February And the cold winds shall argue amongst themselves, deciding whether to freeze the land or simply inconvenience it with drizzle. March And a mighty confusion shall arise, for the clocks shall leap forward, and none shall remember why they agreed to this ritual. April And the skies shall open with rains of comedic timing, falling precisely when the people forget their umbrellas. May And blossoms shall appear in great number, and with them the pollen, which shall smite the sinuses of the righteous and wicked alike. June And the sun shall grow bold, declaring itself ruler of all outdoor activities and scorching the unprepared. July And fireworks shall burst across the heavens, and the dogs of the land shall protest with trembling and dramatic side‑eye. August And the heat shall become a tyra...