The Book of the Months, 2026

January

  • And in the first month, the people shall vow great change,
  • yet by the seventh day they shall return unto their familiar snacks and comfortable sloth.

February

  • And the cold winds shall argue amongst themselves,
  • deciding whether to freeze the land or simply inconvenience it with drizzle.

March

  • And a mighty confusion shall arise,
  • for the clocks shall leap forward, and none shall remember why they agreed to this ritual.

April

  • And the skies shall open with rains of comedic timing,
  • falling precisely when the people forget their umbrellas.

May

  • And blossoms shall appear in great number,
  • and with them the pollen, which shall smite the sinuses of the righteous and wicked alike.

June

  • And the sun shall grow bold,
  • declaring itself ruler of all outdoor activities and scorching the unprepared.

July

  • And fireworks shall burst across the heavens,
  • and the dogs of the land shall protest with trembling and dramatic side‑eye.

August

  • And the heat shall become a tyrant,
  • causing the people to question every life choice that led them outdoors.

September

  • And the children shall return to their halls of learning,
  • bearing backpacks heavy enough to humble even the strongest warrior.

October

  • And the spirits of mischief shall awaken,
  • and the people shall don costumes of questionable stitching and great enthusiasm.

November

  • And a feast shall be prepared,
  • and the leftovers shall endure for many days, multiplying mysteriously in the fridge.

December

  • And the year shall draw to its weary close,
  • and the people shall say, “Surely next year shall be calmer,”
  • and the universe shall chuckle softly.

 

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