Happy New Year!!
My predictions:

The Book of Two‑Thousand‑and‑Twenty‑Six, Chapter I

1. And lo, in the first days of the year, the people shall rise early with great ambition,

yet by the third sunrise they shall return unto the Couch of Soft Excuses.

2. And a great confusion shall fall upon the land,

for the smart devices shall speak in riddles,

and the thermostats shall declare temperatures that are not so.

3. And the geese of the northern ponds shall gather in mighty assembly,

and they shall honk with purpose,

and none shall understand their decree,

save one child who shall shrug and return to their tablet.

4. And a new beverage of sparkling chaos shall appear in the markets,

promising vigor, enlightenment, and “vibes.”

Many shall drink of it,

and behold — they shall know not whether they are energized or merely vibrating.

5. And a raccoon of humble origins shall ascend to great renown,

for it shall steal a sandwich of significance,

and in doing so, avert a minor calamity unknown to mortals.

6. And the people shall say,

“Truly, this year is strange,”

and the year shall reply,

“Ye have seen but the tutorial.”

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